Surrounded by classmates friends the trees
I go to the swingset to fly with ease
Push off with my feet propel forward toes pointed together towards the sky
I can see the eclipse of the sun outline the souls of my shoes
As they jump even above the trees or so says the point of view from my eyes
Then I suspend
For a brief moment in the air there’s no one else up here
as I dare without a care
To believe that I can shoot high up to outer space to another place
With only the sun in my face
And then suddenly I start to move backwards back from which I swing
The sound’s the strangest thing I could hear the birds as they sang
The melody within my ears rang and I watch as the trees move back upward
My feet slowly slide back underneath me
subconsciously recognizing that memory
Of the ground they swing inward
so as not to touch it as they feel the force of it go by
Backwards I swing now again I touch the sky
But it’s now the ground that is the view in front of me ABOVE me
In reality yet I can still see the sun the trees my shoes
Not a second to lose I suspend again for that brief moment in the air
The colors of the world surround me as I dare without a care
Just before I watch my self come back down from up there
As the ground shoots forward to meet me I have the option of three choices
I can force my feet upon the ground
and shoot my body up towards another sun dip
I can just ride the glide as a shorter distance defines each trip
Or I can slam my toes into the ground and end this moment’s rocket ship
Yes three choices defined like voices if only they could speak
If only they were wishes out loud I spoke three wishes all belonging to me
And then I noticed another voice the strangest thing I could hear as it sang
Ah three wishes if only I had three wishes
What is it I would wish for what would I get could I obtain
From what I otherwise refrain could I acquire what I desire
Wealth Health and Fame
I search out but do not find what I cause is only in my mind
Swinging high up towards the sky all the while that I roam
I must await the Great Chariot swing low coming forth to carry me home
I JUMPED off of the swing running towards the teacher Tell me who’s that man
Oh that’s the gravedigger he lives around the corner of the school’s gym
Comes up to the playground sometimes signing his church hymns
His songs are old gospels trust me his presence is no harm
But as he walked away his words were no mere song
raising the hairs on my arm
Oh Lord hear my plea and help me to understand three wishes to be free
I wish they knew I’m not the one making the problems bigger
I’m just the gravedigger
I wish they would just stop callin’ me Nigga
I wish I for just once someone else would get accused of pulling the trigger
I never know when I just might try to stake it
Even worse when you’re a teenager feels like it’s something you said or did
That makes people turn their nose up at you when in reality
That’s just how they do to make them feel like they’re better than you
It’s one thing when they’re adults and they should already have it made
It’s another when they’re your own age at your school in the same grade
Money can’t buy happiness but it will purchase a few things that’ll fool ya
The lack of it causes reality that sadly enough will school ya
And just how does it feel for a mother working all the time
Too many bills left to pay for her to have fun in her prime
Every time she sees something she wants forget it
The same goes for her children who know they won’t get it
And yet she will hear Well that’s the price you pay for keeping the children
As if there were ever a choice in the matter
As the other parent literally smokes and drinks his life away
What difference to him would it make of the burden
And it’s strange the gossip I endured in earlier years
Prepared me for the next installment of anger and tears
You try not to bring it upon yourself yet it hurts when you cannot belong
So you lash back out at those who jest
because somehow it makes you feel strong
Is that why they did it always callin’ me names
Pointing the finger at me and all my shame
Starting school in that worn torn dress somebody threw out
You know the tune being without the simple things in doubt
Walking down the outcast hallways searching for your own identity
Music will set you free yeah music will set you free
Momma was lucky to get the small home we got
The bills he had left behind left us without a shot
At having a decent income for a really long time
But since Momma chose to work for a living well they would let her keep a dime
You’re white or at least you appear to be
so welfare is not an option ultimately
Oh you make 12 dollars a month too much to get food stamps
Okay we’ll throw you a few we cannot force him to pay his child support
That burden will have to rest on you you won’t receive help
even though in need
See you truly are the black sheep of the family
In line at the grocery store lets see what this weeks 20 bucks will buy
Yeah pot pies noodles tomato paste and Momma’s surprise
Another family is loaded with food stamps and gold chains on their necks - arms
None of that Goodwill crap their clothes are upbeat
As they leave the parking lot shit that ride is sweet
I don’t get it Momma how can they have all that nice stuff
When they are broke just like us Momma said child because
They are a minority and we are not our appearance leaves the government
With no reason to control our lot I’d give a better answer
But in anger one I have not and I must admit I’m sick of it
But for all I work pot pies and noodles is all I got
And yet in life they assume me part of that minority
Which is funny because I do not gain from any affirmative benefit it might bring
Nah, I think that they should stop callin’ ME Nigga.
I think that everything I lack from may eventually pull my trigger
I never know when I just might not be able to fake it
Neighbor walks up to our fence to tell us why her kids won’t be visiting
I’ve heard the stories they talk around here about you
They all said you were crazy and now I know it’s TRUE
You’re as bad as that guy they ran out of here before who was that again
Oh yeah that loud mouth Jew
You’re just as unpopular and your daughter’s just as noisy as you
Listening to that rap music singing that soul crap all day
Posters all on her wall of Michael Jackson, Prince, Rick James
They say in school she’s always around the black kids
And they say she acts just the same
Or she hangs out with the punk kids
Nobody knows who they are none of them go by their real names
No wonder she’s such a freak you might as well let her run wild
As for my child I’ll keep her in my own cover
I don’t want her associating with some nigger lover
Momma wasn’t a quiet woman but on occasion she could hold her own
On this particular day the moment had grown
Momma stood about all she could and then she calmly let this bitch have it good
I’m not too sure where YOU came from
and I don’t care from WHENCE you moved
Maybe where you’re from they teach you to think you’re better than the rest
But where I’m from oh yeah that would HERE we lived by the rule
To let each be their own and to respect your fellow neighbor
You Yankees come here and change everything
I read it everyday in the paper
Keep this in mind when moving back and forth
we don’t care how you did it up north
We’re third generation Florida Crackers! I’m sorry but I think I was here FIRST
So don’t go acting like you own the place your presence only makes it worse
I’m getting tired of the white trash mentality, seems to be taking over in zones
I work 80 hours a week and both my daughter’s stay at home
I didn’t raise them to go running up and down the streets getting into trouble
What music they listen to that’s their own business
If the parents around here paid more attention to their own families
They might see some of the things I’VE witnessed
I try to ignore a lot of shit around here
but it’s beginning to become painfully clear
That I have to stand up for myself
and teach my daughter’s the same lack of fear
And you have the audacity to stand here and point out all MY scars
Just who in the HELL do you think YOU are
And if I’m so crazy then you must be too coming over to MY place
Acting all mighty getting up in MY face
You know you’re really pushing my patience
You’re white and aren’t you married to an Asian?
I don’t come down here screaming Chinc lover Come again?
Yet you harass my daughter’s because they’re part Indian
Or excuse me now they call us Native American
But you still choose to label me whatever you THINK you can scare me with
Lady I think YOU need to stop callin’ MY DAUGHTER Nigger
You NEED to think twice before you start pulling that
stones thrown in glass houses forgetting who YOUR spouse is
redneck mindset asinine head check
prejudiced mouth blaring gossiping shoe wearing
Pissin’ ME OFF in my OWN YARD trigger
I never know when I just might be the one to wake it
Momma came to the door and said
Excuse me aren’t you going to introduce yourself
He apologized and walked up to the house
told Momma his name and shook her hand
She said Nice to meet you I hope tonight you two have fun
Please keep this in mind You’re both young
I don’t know your finances but as for us we’re broke but not dazed
She’s the last baby I can afford or ever want to raise
You show up not even wearing a shirt yet I still assume you’re clean
Remember what’s in your pants needs to keep out of her skirt
I don’t wanna have to come looking for you and you know exactly what I mean
As we walked to the car he mumbled she just said that cause I’m black
Momma heard him and replied
No my son I tell ALL the GENTLEMAN callers that
And if I did not consider you such
some other young man would recognize her touch
We drove up to the store he stopped went into buy beer
Wait a minute I don’t drink and you’re driving
so I don’t know what we’re doing here
Well, I just thought we could kick back and relax drink a few
Don’t worry I remember what your Momma said
Girl I ain’t taking advantage of you
Nigga are you CRAZY
I screamed I’m underage
Excuse me what did you just call me he asked without rage
Oh don’t start on me again you use that word all the time
And you think because I’m white it shouldn’t be mine
See words are only demonstrations of some deeper thought or expression
Actions should not be re-actions
But instead how we CHOOSE to act
We could feel what we want to feel
Yet we let the outside world determine what’s real
Inside your own existence you could decide to be free
See I’ve spent my whole life letting WORDS GET to me
I swear as I stand here this statement is true
I do not use that title to somehow GET to YOU
Rather I use it to connect because we share a common bond
And what WE say to one another only the similar differentiating of others
Can relate to the meaning of what we’re really going through
And yes it is true if I hear another say it I immediately jump in defense
But between you and I there should be no such pretence
As I spoke this to him he looked me straight in the eye
And this is what he spoke in reply
I personally don’t find it cute or funny
Using that term like you’re exempt from what it means
I understand why you want to renounce it’s power
But I need to erase it to wash myself clean
From all the hurt and pain that word has caused us
And now we go around saying as if we forget what it’s COST us
Now I’m aware personally of where your heart is at
But do you really think other’s listening can discern that
When they hear you saying it
what does that tell them about what they hear and see
It may say even less of what they think YOU THINK about ME
Girl, I think you best stop callin’ me Nigger.
Every time I hear that word something in my head pulls a little trigger.
I never know I just might no longer take it
I heard that old man’s song the gravedigger’s hymn
echoing in my mind
And I feel the hairs once again rise up on my arm
His songs are old gospels trust me his presence is no harm
And as I continue to think back to that old time
when the swing set was my domain
And I had no care or concern for Wealth Health or Fame
A time long before the food stamps the trailer park the teenage spark
The outcast hallways calling me names
the days of going insane the days of rain
I remember back upon the one who started all the pain
And I can still hear his voice echo as it rang
Just who do you think I am I’m the man of this household understand
You’ll do as I say you’ll listen to me or you’ll suffer the consequences dearly
I’m tired of you woman henpecking me all the time
nothing is good enough for you
Remember what’s your’s is now mine and I’ll make the rules
So shut up your bitchin’ those Confounded kids
drive me fucking insane with their itching
Everyone shut up I’m mean it
or I’ll stop this car and stomp your asses in the ground
Later when I’ve settled down I’ll turn the comments around
Ah honey you know I love you you just need to try to understand
Your Momma’s a little crazy and she makes me that way sometimes too
We holler and fight a lot but it’s not because of you I know I holler at you too
But I don’t MEAN those things to be true
I know I stayed out late every night but Daddy had bad car trouble
Well yeah night after night these things take time to fix
You must keep the faith God will show us the way
I know the church looks down on us now
But it’s not because of what I say
I know it’s hard for you in school
everyone knows our family’s situation but I’ve tried
Oh come on now that wasn’t me that told those stories about your Momma
Yes the whole town thinks she runs around
yes I know she never leaves the house
Yes I know she takes care of all of us
and I know you love her but she’s not the perfect spouse
She just wants you to THINK I tell lies Why do you keep questioning me
Why is it in your memory only the bad things seem to stick
Your Momma has poisoned your minds against me
Even your sister attacked me with a knife It no longer makes sense
No that doesn’t make it okay what do you mean it was self defense
Since when have I tried to kill any of you
what do you mean you fear for your life
You know I wouldn’t have really shot your mother
You don’t question what she would have done with that hammer right
You’re just like your mother
and now you say you want to live with her instead of me
You think of my existence as only to provide for you
but soon you will see
I’ll put your asses out on the street
with no shoes on your feet no clothes on your back
No roof over your heads no food in your mouths
and then you’ll see what you’ll lack
You’ll be sorry you turned your back on me
what do you mean, Now you see ?
If I could go back to that moment now he was so bitter he knew in his way
He would see to it his words would ring true
I wish I had stood up to him to say
I wish YOU would realize YOU’RE the one making the problems bigger
your own gravedigger
I wish I had been the one to say
don’t you ever again point a gun a MY momma
I wish I had been the one holding that knife to stand up to all the drama
God help me if I ever again hear the words you shout as you cuss
God help YOU if I ever again hear you threaten us
And God help us both if I ever again hear you holler Nigga
God help me if I ever again catch you with your finger on that trigger
For all you know I just might break it
Looking back at the fear and insecurities I realize I require no proof
For whatever shade I appear I’ll still resemble the goof
And now everyone is asking me when you gonna finally make it
I just might try to stake it
might not be able to fake it
might be the one to wake it
Might no longer take it
Just where will you find me when I finally break it
What’s my “gimmick” what should the public see
Isn’t it enough for them to see just me
If I’m not all that, and my image is in the worst case
Then just what the f**k did they see in me in the first place
Was I shot by Polaroid in the dead of the night
The color having faded yet no gray in sight
Am I 4 by 6
or 8 by 10
am I not now as I was then
Am I VHS
or digital video’s height
Can I make the big screen
1940 - 35 mm delight
Am I really that simple
could I be black and white ?
If I used Technicolor in 2003 on DVD
Would I then have the capability to project the color of me
PLEASE
I listened wisely to the poetess prophets of my day
You can sing if you’re the caged bird as do the melodies of Teena Marie
But you cannot stop what people think nor the ship in which they sink
Opinions are like assholes if you sniff them you’ll find they stink
There was a color that spoke out my dilemma and her name was P!NK
That Hill that Lauryn overcame
had to first be experienced before she could teach
Those of us who LISTEN
can discern the meaning of what she eventually reached
They finish you and I by ranking they conclude us within their own hierarchy
The big money the shopping spree the heavy weight of paying the fee
The beginning of control over what WE touch smell taste hear and see
The end of you the end of me
The - End - Us – Tree
Go ahead make fun of me as if I don’t know where my head is
Make it APPEAR as if I cannot handle the said “diss”
After all I’ve been through to get me here
You don’t think my personal agenda is clear
I’m not concerned with what you think or how you label
You go on ahead it’s not ME making YOU tell MY fable
And as I think back I suspend again for that brief moment in the air
The colors of the world surround me as I dare without a care
To believe that I can fly high up to outer space to another place
With only the sun in my face and forget all those young moments of pain
Then suddenly I recall a past friend’s words
and they are no longer spoken in vein
Now I’m aware personally of where MY heart is at
But do I really think other’s listening can discern that
When they hear what I’m saying
what does that tell them about what they hear and see
It may say even less of what they think YOU THINK about ME
And if you realize that fallacy
then I will know you are truly LISTENING to me
And I will no longer worry about what image I fall in
Or whatever title it is that someone chooses to call it
So I will continue even if you don’t Stop Callin’ Me Nigga
Because what you say to or about me no longer pulls that trigger
Besides For all you know I just might make it